Thank You for Trying to Fix Me

April 13, 2017

No matter how much you knew it would be nearly impossible to try to save and fix me, thank you for trying. Now, I can only imagine how hard it was for you, because I can only experience it now, if not for you leaving me and letting me go on my own. As I look back on those times I took your kindness, patience and understanding for granted, forgiving myself takes a lot slower and harder. I guess, when you’re in that moment of having someone who guides you and loves you for all that you are, you start thinking that they will accept whatever you will give, even if it means giving them the worst of you. All the while you think everything is fine and everything is going to be fixed, until it’s not.

Only then did I realize how hard it was for you to accept and face all my constant rumblings, my daily work stress, my emotional meltdowns and my selfish demands just to get a piece of my time and attention. For all those moments, I thank you for believing in us, but mostly for believing in me and for believing the good in me more than the bad. Thank you for believing I can be better, despite being the worst. Thank you for loving me more than I thought I could ever be loved.  And as much as I want to thank you for trying to fix me, thank you for leaving me and giving me the chance to actually fix myself, this time.

I knew how much you don’t deserve me, and probably that’s why it hurts more than it should. Knowing I had the best, yet I managed to blow it away. But as much I know I needed you to stay, I think I needed you to leave, more. As crazy as it sounds and as crazy as it can get, I think you did leave us both on a good mark, it was a bittersweet ending I know someday we’ll learn to embrace, fully.

So thank you for trying, for thinking it’s worth it. And I’m sorry if that’s the only way to bring me to where I am now. Fixing and embracing myself, without you.

Your Saved Girl

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